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Hear my interview with Ashely Ortega on
Wednesday, September 1, 3:00-5:00 PM
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As part of Homeschool Super Heroes Week, I was interviewed by Ashley Beck Ortega on various aspects of home management from Kamikaze Cleaning to homeschool rooms to kids’ rooms. About half of the 35-minute interview relates to homeschooling but the other half is all about housekeeping. Hope you’ll join me.

Ahhh, there’s nothing like visiting relatives in Texas to get a new perspective on life. I grew up in Texas, but I had forgotten how dangerous it really is. [smile]  I have four boys and a little girl who love to explore. Here’s a little sampling of the instructions my kids got at the first three homes we stayed in–within 5 minutes of arriving:

House A (ranch in South Texas): “Yes, you can go out and play in the fields but watch out for rattlesnakes. Here’s what they sounds like. [rattling sound]”

House B (outskirts of small town in South Texas): “Watch out for rattlesnakes. We don’t get a lot of them but I just killed one by the garage about a month ago.”

House C (in the country in Central Texas): “You can play outside but if you go off the porch, be sure you have shoes on because we have a lot of scorpions.”

So at the third house, one son asks, “Do scorpions get in your house?” At which point someone launches into a details about how and when. I’m in the background giving the line across the throat sign so they don’t scare the wits out of them. Too late. That son had to sleep in the room with me and my husband, certain that the house was destined to be invaded by scorpions that night. The good news is that the only scorpion the boys saw was one they found when they went on a scorpion hunt the next day.

I’m trying to think of the moral of this story, but I can’t settle on just one. Here’s a sampling of what I came up with.

• If you don’t like to live dangerously, don’t go to Texas.
• If you happen to have scorpions in your house, don’t tell your guests under the age of 15.
• If you want to avoid rattlesnakes and scorpions, stay with your relatives in the big cities (the strongest warning we got there was to leave the outside lights off because they attract bugs).

If you see a different moral or have your own Texas stories, feel free to leave them in the comments section.

Does the thought of someone else coming in and messing with your stuff horrify you? Do you resist it with all your being? Relax, that resistance can be a good thing. Sometimes, the right-brained, visual homemaker needs to organize her own things. This is not because she is the only one in the world who can do it, but simply because organizing is her way of processing information. The information being processed includes 1) seeing what you own and 2) seeing where you store it.

Now, if your house is super organized with a place for everything and everything in its place, then someone else can do that job for you and you won’t cringe. But if your organizational system is not quite fully developed (or totally lacking), then your desire to do the sorting and organizing is natural.

Think about this for a minute. When you bring a new item into your home, do you:

A) immediately find a home for it
B) set it aside and move on to the next thing on your to do list

If you answered B, then you never really ”processed” the item into your life. That’s where that cringing sensation comes from when someone offers to help you get organized. So next time you feel yourself cringing, don’t fight it, just process your own stuff!

(c) 2010 Stephanie Buckwalter

It may help to think of the garage the way you do your kitchen and organize it accordingly. In the kitchen, you have storage, work areas, and traffic areas. The kitchen, like the garage, is very utilitarian. (Did I use that correctly?) So, when approaching the garage, try to mentally divide it into zones.

Start with the traffic areas. Do you have a refrigerator or freezer out there that you need to access? Plan a path. Do you need to get to your tools? The bicycles? Snow shovels? It might help to store all the frequently used items on one side of the garage so you can maintain a clear path to everything you really need in there. That may not be a typical, or even logical, design but if you struggle with space, try it out.

If you have plenty of space, then you can design and organize according to functional storage space instead of traffic patterns. By this I mean that all the tools can be in one place, all sports equipment in another (regardless of how frequently it is used), and all camping gear together in another spot. When it comes to garage storage, don’t forget to use the walls and the overhead space. There is a wide variety of inexpensive shelving available from home improvement stores or places like IKEA. Get the kind with adjustable shelves so you can change the height of each shelf as your season of life changes. One interesting thing I have seen is a large platform shelf, probably 4′ x 8′ suspended off the wall about two thirds of the way up. It serves as a very large shelf, and is placed high enough so that when a car is parked in the garage, the shelf is higher than the roof so you don’t have any “accidents.” It was attached to the wall on one side, then had two wires on the other side that went to hooks high up on the wall, kind of like a suspension bridge. Great way to add lots of additional storage to otherwise wasted space.

The final consideration is work space. Does the storage room or garage double as a workspace? If so, design it like your kitchen where all the necessary tools are at arm’s length, and everything has a place. For visual people, you can use open shelves rather than cabinets, or label metal drawers with what is in them to make it a more workable space. Keep safety in mind for both the project manager and any little ones that might come around looking to help or to imitate a project they’ve just watched with avid interest.

Take your time with this and really think through those three areas to see if you can improve the space to be more efficient and more organzied.

NOTE: This is an excerpt from one of my Whole House Support Program weekly emails. Feel free to join in at any time.

These things are an interesting phenomenon of our generation. I want to share a little story about my experience with renting a storage unit. I hope it will give you some food for thought and save you some money in the long run.

When I was single, I was one of the last hangers on. You know, the leftover single who wasn’t married yet. All my friends had married, so I was running out of roommates. About that time, I got a job working in Europe off and on. I put all my stuff in storage (a 10×12 unit) and went gallivanting around the world. I was only going to put my stuff in storage for a few months, but it ended up being almost two years. I was in the States off and on during that time, and I found that the only things I went to the storage unit to get were some important papers occasionally and various books I had stored there. That’s it.

When I got back to having a settled life again (I met my husband while traveling and our engagement is what settled me down again), I had spent more on renting the space than the items inside it were worth. I’ve thought about that a lot over the years. Why in the world did I pay so much money to keep all that hand-me-down furniture when I could have saved the money and had really nice new stuff? Since that episode, I’ve never had the urge to rent storage space again.

NOTE: This is an excerpt from one of my weekly Whole House Support Program emails. Feel free to sign up and get great insights like this every week. Well, OK, I’m not always this insightful, but I always find something new for you to do around the house.

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If you struggle with being able to let go of stuff, it may be because you are right brained and have imagined every item you own into your life, making it a part of you. That’s usually the problem. I Want My House Back! offers lots of practical help along those lines. It helps you see the why [you are attached] and the how [to slowly but surely let go]. Read Chapter 2 online.

Once you know what the room is used for and how often, that will dictate how often it needs to be picked up/cleaned. Here are some things to consider as you work out a maintenance plan:

• Who will be responsible for keeping the room clean, the parent or child? Age and ability will make a difference here, but don’t be afraid to give them some chores in their own rooms and require a minimum level of cleanliness–even for older kids.
• If your child has a desk in the room, this is a good time to teach him how to organize a desk and paperwork. Set up a basic filing system and have a place for bookbags, writing utensils, paper, CDs, and so on.
• Keeping a room picked up can be done by a child of any age.
• Require beds to be made as a sign of diligence and a daily discipline. This one tiny discipline will go a long way toward establishing discipline in other areas.
• Have a regular check-up time to see if the room is cleaned. For example, Saturday mornings before play can begin.
• Plan to invest time in training the child on a properly cleaned room.
• Reward effort (not necessarily results) during the training phase, and occasionally afterward.
• Some kids require a visual chart of all the steps required to clean a room. Support your child’s needs to achieve the desired result: a clean room.
• Don’t be afraid to make cleaning time fun. Sing songs or listen to music. Work in the same room as your child or nearby so they don’t feel like they are in it alone.
• Be a good role model by keeping your own bedroom clean.

This is an excerpt from the Whole House Support Program emails I send out weekly. If you like it, why not join it and get practical help for your house every week.

Here are some things to consider when setting up a child’s room.

• Design the room around the activities that go on in the room. Use the child’s private space to teach the basics of stewardship, cleanliness, keeping a schedule, and organizing paperwork.
• Storage should be flexible or multi-purpose to accommodate the changing needs of the child.
• Getting your kids to keep things tidy and organized will be a lot easier if you use visual storage solutions for them.
• Be aware that visual storage solutions can create problems when guests are in the room, whether siblings or friends.
• If the child spends a lot of time in his or her room, make it as functional and aesthetically pleasing as possible.

This is an excerpt from The Whole House Support Program emails I send out weekly. If you like this kind of practical advice, consider joining the program.

Our subdivision just had their community yard sale this past weekend so we participated. I didn’t have time to gather anything new, but I had several boxes of things left over from a disasterous yard sale last fall. School and sports leagues had already started, so the traffic was nil. I decided to box it until the community yard sale and I’m glad I did. We sold a lot of the big items that take up storage space.

I was very proud of myself. Last fall, after the failed sale, I removed a lot of the junkier stuff and took it to Too Good To Toss at the dump. When I set stuff out this spring, it was all the nicer stuff. I think that helped. When the yard sale was over, I kept a few things back to give to our church nursery and a few things so I can be a good FreeCycle citizen and offer some nice stuff. Everything else went out the door to either Salvation Army or Too Good to Toss. It was such a good feeling.

In the past, it was hard for me to get rid of stuff. As I worked through the process described in I Want My House Back! over this past year or so, I found it was almost easy to let some things go. I’m also finding that the more I get rid of, the easier it is to let go of the next round of stuff. I’m looking forward to doing more of that this summer.

I came across this tip quite by accident. One of my sons could never figure out how much dishwashing liquid to add to the water when doing dishes. After a couple of years of this, I took a pump from a shampoo bottle, washed it out, then put it into the dishwashing liquid bottle. After some experimentation, we learned that it takes three squirts to get just the right amount of soap.

 The results were amazing. Since doing this, a bottle of dishwashing detergent lasts about twice as long, maybe even a little longer. An added bonus is the water is never slimy from too much soap or bubble-free from too little. Try it!

Identifying Role Models for Your Children
May 26, 2010, 11:00 AM EST (online)
at Raising Small Souls Parenting Retreat

(You can hear this workshop for free at the time scheduled, or purchase a ticket to the whole event to listen any time. Find link below.)

In this workshop, we will explore:

Join me for the Raising Small Souls Parenting Retreat. Lots of speakers on great topics, hundreds of dollars worth of freebies, refreshment for your own soul while you raise your small souls.

I felt compelled to write this entry. My mother-in-law recently passed away and the immediate funeral planning fell to me. Because she had Alzheimer’s, she had done some pre-planning and pre-paying for services. Even so, it was a lot of work coordinating everything between the funeral home, cemetery, and church, not to mention getting the word out to those who would want to know immediately.

I’d like to propose a series of questions for you here. If you do not know the answers–or that you should even be asking these kinds of questions–I have some advice for you at the end of this post.

• Do you know how many copies of the death certificate are needed and who should get them? (banks, insurance companies, investment firms, debtors, and many more, depending on age and obligations) If the planner can answer this question immediately upon death, it saves having to order copies later from the government vital records office. Make a list of all the places that would need one and leave a copy with your will or trust info.
• Does anyone know where your will or trust documents are? Is the law firm clearly marked so someone can contact them? There was a name on my mother-in-law’s will, but after internet searches, calls to the State Board for lawyers, and a few random phone calls around town, we found that the woman had retired several years ago and no one could give me the name of the law firm where she worked.
• Have you picked out a place for burial/interment? Have you selected a funeral home? My mother-in-law had prepaid for her burial place and knew which funeral home would handle her cremation. When she passed away in the care facility, they would have simply called the closest funeral home. Instead, we had selected a funeral home ahead of time so we knew the prices and who to call during this stressful time.
• If you have chosen cremation and will be interred in a crypt, do you know the size of it? Do you know how to calculate the size you will need? I found out during this process that the space she had purchased was 1/4″ smaller than the size of a standard adult urn. I had to find a smaller urn. Since I had seen some for children, I called the urn company to see if the urn would work. They gave me a calculation (based on weight) to see if it was okay. Thankfully, it was, but these are not things you want to figure out at the last minute.
• Did you know you can purchase your urn ahead of time? There are many places to buy urns online, even COSTCO sells them. (I did not know this until my sister-in-law mentioned it one day.) Prices vary as much as several hundred dollars for the exact same urn. As I was working through the size problem, the funeral home contact had to find out if they could accept an outside urn or if we had to buy one through them. I was able order one and have it delivered directly to the crematory, but that could have been a problem if we had purchased ahead of time or if the price was significantly more.
• Does anyone have an idea of what kind of service you would like to have and where? If you have a stable life in one geographic location, this may not be an issue but it helps if you have communicated this information to others.
• Did you know that you have to immediately notify (via an original death certificate)  places like social security (to avoid a lengthy red tape process to return money paid to a deceased person) and creditors (to avoid getting hit with late fees)?
• Did you know that once a person is deceased, any powers of attorney cease, too? Apparently, the executor of the estate takes over, but cannot officially do so until the paperwork is filed with the courts. If there are any family feuds, you might want to take care of that legal step immediately. We did not have this problem, but it was one more thing I learned as I went through this process.

These are just a few of the things I discovered as I went through the process. There are even more legal steps that have to be taken, depending on what state you live in.

I strongly urge you to consider making some very basic choices about what should happen when you pass, even if you don’t actually contact the places you would like to use other than to get prices. It can make a huge difference if something should suddenly happen to you or a family member. It took me and my husband a good two to three business days of work to get all the arrangements made and paperwork filled out. Because of her season of life and all the pre-planning, my mother-in-law’s situation was fairly simple.

Even though death is not something you want to dwell on often, do your family a favor and get your papers in order and make some of these choices beforehand. It can really ease a most difficult time for those who are grieving their loss.

I once remember hearing an older woman at our church talk about picking up after your husband. She said that if it is your kids who are leaving stuff all over the place, by all means tell them to pick the stuff up. You are training them for adulthood. But if you are married and it is your husband leaving stuff everywhere, just pick it up for him. Dirty socks on the floor? Toss them where they belong. Trash left in the living room? Toss it, or make daily pick up part of the household routine and include the kids. In other words, if his mama didn’t train him to pick up after himself, then you can do it to serve him. That doesn’t mean you can’t talk to him about it. You can. Just talk about it at a neutral time, after you’ve modeled picking up his stuff so he can see that you are serious about the house. And only give him one area to work on at a time. Above all, be gracious. Think of your own struggles with housekeeping and keep in mind that any routines will be new for everyone.

(Excerpted from the Whole House Challenge Week 1 Assignment on the Master Bedroom.)

Disclaimer: My husband is not the messy one; I am. However, this woman’s attitude stuck with me and I’ve used the principle in other areas where my expectations have not been met.

Month 1 of the Whole House Support Program is done. I went a little crazy in my own home. I washed the curtains, beat the rug, and oiled the furniture. For most people, every experience is a learning experience. Here are 10 things I learned, in no particular order:

1. Having raised furniture with skirts is a bad idea. It serves as a collection point for stuff and encourages dishonesty during clean up.
2. No crumb of food pulled from under the couch—no matter how old or disgusting—goes to waste when you have a dog in the house. No explanation needed (I hope).
3. Dust multiplies. I had a great time of dust inhalation while vacuuming the tops of shelves and under furniture. I’m not sure where all the dust comes from, but I’m hoping this thorough cleaning and changing the filters will get rid of some of it.
4. Couch cushions get disgustingly dirty. If you have fabric-covered cushions, you might want to skip this one and just go to #5 so you don’t think about this. I was really into cleaning with the first breath of Spring so I took the covers off our cushions and washed them in the bathtub. After the first round of washing, the water looked like the Mississippi River. Not good. So I washed them again. This time, the water looked like the San Antonio River (think Riverwalk). The rinse water was still not perfectly clean, but my arms were tired and I decided that they were much cleaner than when I started. I declared them clean and put them outside to dry. No one complained.
5. Oiling wood furniture makes a difference. I have some nice wooden display shelves and a piano in my family room. I took the time to oil them (which will probably help cut down on the dust). The room looks cleaner and brighter now that the wood shines.
6. Not having TV reception or cable for years really multiplies your video collection beyond reasonable. We only got cable about two or three years ago. Before that, if we got the urge for visual media, we watched videos (didn’t have a DVD player at the time—these are all those bulky VHS tapes). When I did my initial Kamikaze Cleaning, I put all the little kid videos and movies that were not favorites in boxes and set them out of sight behind the couch. Since the Whole House Project is about thoroughly cleaning, I finally had to deal with them. Sometimes I long for those days when we had no TV reception. I’m thinking about going back to them at the beginning of the next school year.
7. I did not inherit a decorating gene. I should have recognized this much earlier as, believe it or not, I majored in Interior Design for two semesters. I think it was the organizational aspect that I liked rather than the decorating part.
8. There are very few well-written, kid-friendly books in this world. As I surveyed our modest collection, I realized that there were relatively few that we returned to over and over again over the years. Most can be passed along.
9. Cleaning takes real work and regular maintenance. I’m guessing that some of you will be thinking, “Duh,” but for me, home maintenance is one long “Aha!” Now that I think about it, one of the comments an adult made about me when I was in high school was, “That Stephanie. She wakes up in a new world every day.” I think these may be related.
10. A clean room blesses anyone who enters it. And therein lies the real reward.

Feel free to share what you learned during your housecleaning experience.

Have you started your Spring Cleaning yet? I tried to spring clean one room this past weekend, my Family Room, as part of the Whole House Support Program. In Week 3, you are supposed to thoroughly clean the room of the month. In keeping with the spirit of the program, I dutifully removed my curtains and washed them, dusted and oiled the furniture, hand-washed the couch cushions in the bathtub, removed the area rug to beat clean and air out, and cleaned every little knick-knack on the shelves. I was exhausted! I can’t imagine Spring Cleaning the whole house at once!! I’d be curious to know, do you spring clean your whole house?

This was too good to keep to myself so I’ve decided to share. One of the things that really helped me get a grip on my house was realizing that as a right-brained person, my approach to life–including homemaking–was different than 50% of the population (that would be the left-brained half of the population for those readers who don’t like logic problems). I came to see that the struggles I had were related to my life’s outlook more than a serious character flaw, although I’m sure some who know me might disagree :-). I also realized that I could work with my natural tendencies instead of against them to achieve a clean house. I’ve excerpted Chapter 2 of I Want My House Back! It explains how a right-brain person operates as it applies to housekeeping. I hope you’ll find insight and inspiration to help you through your own struggles with housekeeping. You can also peruse the table of contents.

NOTE: If you are having trouble with the file, it may mean that others are accessing it simultaneously. You can right click on the link (PC users), then Save Target As to download it to your computer.

Does it seem like the condition of your house is simply a reflection of what’s going on inside? That’s not surprising. It’s hard to get motivated to work on the house when you are emotionally drained. Depression has root causes that can be addressed. Some of them are genetic, but others are not. For those that are not, it helps to search out the root cause. For me, one of the roots was unforgiveness. I won’t go into detail here, but I realized that there were people who had hurt me whom I had never forgiven. Once I forgave them, it surprised me that things did not seem to get better. I finally realized that the unforgiveness had turned into bitterness and that bitterness had spilled over into many relationships. I had to go through and “forgive” everyone for perceived slights. Of course, those people had done nothing wrong but I had projected blame onto them. Once I realized that and worked through it, the depression began to lift. That’s when I felt ready to tackle my house. If you are still in the depths of depression, I hope you can find a way to examine your life for the source of your depression.

Need some help getting motivated? Check out the Take the Challenge tab on the menu. See how you can win a free ebook for participating. You can post comments about what you think here. I’m open to suggestions and would love to hear your thoughts. Remember, all photos will be kept in strictest confidence.

Each trait has its opposite. Which side describes you?

It’s been a snowy winter here and there is more on the way. I thought I’d share a couple of pictures from the “snowstorm of the century” we just had in and around Washington, DC. We had more in that one storm than we usually have in a whole season. But wait! We’re expecting 10-20 inches more on top of all this.

Our Backyard

My daughter having the time of her life sliding down our driveway as we shoveled snow.

My last post raised some eyebrows so it’s time to go a little deeper. Even though I prefer to use the word stuff instead of clutter, there are still limits to the stuff a person keeps. The limits might come in the form of space, time to maintain, or need. I have learned along the way that right brained people tend to view the possibilities for their stuff asking “What can I use this for?” while left brained people tend to do a quick practical assessment such as, “Have I used this in the last year?” There might be a legitimate reason to hang on to something you haven’t used in a year. The key for the right brained person is knowing the general direction of your life. You may be able to imagine a lot of uses for a particular item, but if your life is not moving in a direction that encompasses those uses, then it’s OK to let it go. Not only is it OK, it’s necessary–to make room for all those other things that hold possibilities for you.

I don’t like the word clutter very much. It is a word of judgment. Clutter means someone has found your housekeeping habits annoying or offensive. I don’t believe even Scarlett O’Hara could say the word and make it sound nice with her Southern drawl. I prefer the word stuff. Stuff is neutral. Stuff is everything you own. In my books, I use the word stuff instead of clutter to let you know I haven’t passed judgment. I want you to enjoy your stuff!

We are a family of seven and laundry seems to multiply over time, especially in the winter when the clothes are bulkier. If you are a clothes horse and love clothing and keep it in prime condition, then this probably won’t help you. But if you are more lax in your laundry standards, here are some things I have done to make laundry maintenace easier:

1. I put a basket in each of the kids’ bedrooms to collect laundry instead of collecting it in one central place. When the basket has collected enough for a load, I wash it. When dry, the load goes right back into that room for the occupants to fold and put away once they are old enough.
2. I don’t sort into colors. One reason I can get away with this is that I don’t typically buy white clothing for my kids. If I do, it goes in with my laundry instead of the kids’ laundry.
3. Unless I have enough to make two loads, I don’t sort by weight. Jeans go in with everything else.
4. I wash the kids’ clothes on the same setting, usually warm wash, cold rinse–even for colors. After the first wash, any damage that is going to be done will be done so it won’t matter after that. Just buy large if you think it will shrink.
5. I have one of those 3-section laundry sorters squeezed into the laundry room where I can sort clothes for me and my husband. I have darks in one, whites in another, and linens in the third one. This allows me to fine-tune my washing and I can easily see when I have enough for a load. If anything in the kids’ laundry needs special treatment, I toss it in with ours.

I have had the ocassional ruined garment, but in general, this system works for us. I hope you can use some of these ideas to ease your laundry load.

Stephanie

Here’s a quick tip to help your kitchen look a lot cleaner once you’ve done the regular cleaning. If your trash can has a lid, wipe it down with diaper wipes or kitchen wipes to get the grunge off. It’s amazing how your perception of the cleanliness of the room changes. If you are really motivated, take a look at the sides and wipe those down, too.

Side Note: It never occured to me to clean a trash can lid until I was at a friend’s house and saw her cleaning hers. I thought to myself, “Wow. I never thought of that!” Part of the reason is that growing up, our trash cans did not have lids.

Hello, friends! Are you stuck in your home life? Busy Homemaker is here to help. Take a look around and see what’s here. If you don’t find what you are looking for, let me know and I’ll see what I can do for you.

Stephanie